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Friday, February 25, 2005
i'm so pissed off, but yet i have to control!! argh!!!remember mummy wants me to go university to study? well, she wants me to go over to taiwan to study. and she doesn't even bother to explain the reason, only saying that the government are trying to lure students over to study.
anyways, i got the number and called them today. first and foremost, that stupid lady on the phone totally had no manners. not even simple manners. nevermind that. they literally snobbed when i told them that i was a poly student who was graduating in 6 weeks time. like what the fucking hell? and when my mum calls, they told her that the last date to submit all the details is by march. alright, i have totally no fucking idea who's bullshitting who. forget it then, so i asked if i were to study in taiwan, would it be chinese based or english based. and that fucking lady could sound so taken aback when i asked this question and just snubbed me back that it would definitely be in chinese. like what the fuck? anyways, i wasn't bothered to continue when another lady came on the line and told me that if i want to study, i would have to wait till next year. that's cause the date to submit the details has ended. fuck you, will i even wait for a year just for you to fucking accept me? no way. count me out from that fucking queue. it's not my cup of tea. especially, studying in chinese. oh wells, i hate that langauge. don't mind me. i can't even speak good chinese, not the least carry a good conversation with anyone. study on chinese? i'll be spending 3/4 of my time flipping the damn dictionary to find out what the hell the stupid teacher had taught. like imagine studying chemistry in chinese. the only words that appear in my empty mind- what the fuck?
i don't understand my mum. i seriously don't. and she definitely doesn't understand me as well. like what the hell? she was supposed to be supportive and there she was yelling away that it would be my loss if i didn't study university. c'mon, it's not like i didn't do my calculations. even if i was accepted into a university, there is not enough cash to go around. like what regina said this afternoon, it's not very nice to study half way and drop out- due to financial problems. like as though i never thought about all these. i have thought about everything. it is not feasible for me to study immediately. firstly, my results cannot make it. secondly, there is simply not enough cash to go about the family already. thirdly, have anyone ever considered my feelings?
i'm really fucked up. i really am. i'm fucking tired already. and she had to yell and say that i can forget it if she were to sponser my fees. c'mon, its a hefty big sum of cash. i know it myself, i aren't dumb. even if i am dumb, i'll also do my calculations. i have made up my mind to work for a couple of years. than pay for my school fees on my own. it's going to kill me, but i'm going to do it. i'm not going to allow her to scream and yell at me like no one's business. if i were to not care, i wouldn't have bothered to argue back. i argued back to show that i didn't like to be manipulated. i want to do what's right. aren't i doing anything right? is earning my own fees, my own cash, my own allowance wrong? not having a degree now doesn't mean that i will not get it in my later years. why can't she understand? i really don't understand her. or rather, perhaps myself.
anyone have suggestions? or advices? i'm really fucked. poosh-
sorry for the language displayed above. sigh.
[
dreamt `]
at
12:18 AM
