am-`
michelle
black girl aka chocolate (:
28o81985
twenty-two
cafe del mar
beach captain
promiscuous
workaholic
alcoholic
shopaholic
procrastinator
party animal
beach bummer
lovee-`
my dearest sweethearts(:
my darling girlfriends (:
ah-bee (:
hugs&kisses
interlocked fingers
playing in the rain
sunrise&sunset
fireworks
star gazing
retail therapy
party therapy
food haven
speed rides
hard liquor, bubbly champagne
sweets!
wants-`
braids/cornrolls?
new phone
new watch
new hair makeover
sneakers/flats/heels/boots
skinny haviannas
newurbanmale clock
jacket/pullover/cardigan
the boyfriend's shirt
one more boyfriend's shirt
skinny belt
paul smith floral perfume
diesel perfume
calvin klein europhia perfume
calvin klein eternity perfume
dior fahrenheit 32 perfume
kenneth cole RSVP perfume
that ray bans shades
marc ecko E850361
full body massage&spa
lose 5kg
trip down to port dickson (:
photo with *him
a good holiday!
vehicle license
you-`
alinah`
alison`
joan`
jo-ann`
lynnly`
pek geok`
regina`
nadiah`
helly`
song`
linette`
eunice`
bala`
dizzy`
joleen`
lays`
Sunday, August 28, 2005
it's my birthday today. happy about it? wells, just a bit. i guess, too much happenings in my life have made me stagger in my footsteps. i guess, i'm probably not moving as fast as the happenings in my life. i'm caught breatheless with all these happenings that is draining up all my strength. i'm now mentally, physically and emotionally drained.
wells, i would say i'm breaking up inside. everything around me seems to crumble down- bit by bit. i've lost sight of what's in front of me. the outer shell of me is just holding on. i don't wish to break down. i really don't wish to, but i'm already breaking up inside. tears don't seem to flow, i don't seem to exist anymore.
i met him.
things started off fine. until, tongues started to wag. i did nothing. neither did him. i and him continued as friends. but tongues started to wag even more. i and him, did nothing as well. until that fateful day. when drama had to end. i and him are no more. friends? buddies?
i don't regret knowing him. i enjoy the times i had with him.
but am i the fool? am i the naive one who thought everything was alright? am i the fool who made the wrong moves, wrong mistakes? am i the naive one who caused everything to crumble?
am i a naive fool?
why treat me nice when you're probably not? why treat me nice when we're just friends? why treat me nice from the start? why treat me nice till now?
i feel silly. i guess, it's me who made the wrong moves. i played the wrong set of chess. i played it all wrong. now, i have to eat my words back. now, i have to clear the mess. now, i have to leave. i guess, it's me who caused tongues to wag. i guess, it's me who created this whole drama. i guess, nothing beats better than my departure? where can i go from here?
am i angry of him? am i upset of him?
yes. i am angry. i am upset. but not on him, instead it's on myself.
i'm angry that i made the wrong moves. i'm angry that i created this mess. i'm angry with myself. i'm upset that i thought things were supposedly smooth. i'm upset that i'm naive. i'm upset that i was made the fool. i'm upset that i am the joke. i'm upset that i can't stay the cheerful me- the old me. i'm upset that i'm in this deep now. i'm upset that it's just me all along.
my fault.
it's just my fault. nothing more to say abt tt.
don't wish to talk abt it either.
will time heal all wounds?
only heaven knows.
[
dreamt `]
at
10:38 AM
